I'm back.

So hello from England everyone,

I said I'd write a blog explaining why I was back and also reflecting on my time in India and what it has taught me. So here goes...

I think if I put why I cam back into one reason then it's simply that is was time. Two months is no joke, it's a long time and in that time I felt I had learnt enough to be satisfied with myself. You see India for me was not only physically challenging but it was mentally challenging too. People there have completely different mindsets to me and I had to deal with that daily as well as functioning in a foreign language that was a second language to the people around me. I got to a point quite literallt where I was just physically and mentally drained, I had nothing more to give and I wanted to go home.

What about Lucknow you ask, well Lucknow never happened, it might one day but not this time. I wondered whether I would regret that decision but when I got to Delhi airport I knew that there was no way I could have faced heading on to Lucknow. I needed home.

None of this is to say that I have something against India but it isn't my country and it isn't somewhere that I personally would want to live. You have to bear in mind that I didn't see the colourful touristy India and I didn't see the slums, I saw the in between, everyday life of Indians. I didn't go there to sightsee, I went there to study and that's what I did. My experience had ups and downs and the truth is, I'll probably remember them all.

So no, no major disaster or event happened that made me come home. I had just had enough of being away from everything and everyone I know and love, and I wanted to come home. It really is that simple.

Now let's look at what India has taught me and what I've gained from the experience. I honestly do feel that in two months I've lived a lifetime. I've seen and learnt so much it's unreal. I went to India to study dance but I never thought about everything else, that being everyday life in India and everyday life in India was not something I enjoyed.

But what I learnt will stay with me for a lifetime. I learnt first and foremost that I'm English and love being so which through years of battling with an identity crisis is an amazing thing for me to have realised. Secondly, I have developed the most profound love and respect for my dance forms, they're now a part of me just as much as my breathing is.

The most important thing Aunty taught me was how to learn. I know now how to approach a new item to make sure I don't ever forget it. She taught me an approach to learning that is the most valuable thing I'll take away from India. It means I can benefit so much more from my time there.

Something that I think made my experience in India all the more special was that I lived in a dance world, Everyone I was with lived and breathed dance and therefore so did I. I saw more dance shows in two months than I've seen in my entire life, I've learnt what it takes to be a professional dancer and how much more it takes to become a professional performer. I've seen the real India, not the tourist India, not the slums, but the India people live every single day. I've seen the streets they see every morning, used the shops they use everyday and eaten the food they eat everyday.

And of course I can't write about India without writing about languages. India meant that I was forced to use and speak Hindi a lot of the time, since I didn't speak Bangla. Having spent two months in India I can now say that I can switch into Hindi easily, I'm not fluent by any stretch of the imagination but I can understand most things that are said, in other words I can function in everyday life in Hindi. I can also understand a lot of Bangla now, and speak some, I can recognise it instantly amongst other Indian languages and I'm very pleased about that. The other language I had exposure to was Malayalam, I heard Malayalam spoken everyday and I watched Malayalam TV daily. Although I didn't pick any up, I can now easily recognise Malayalam from all other South Indian languages if I hear it spoken or see it written. So linguistically India has been brilliant.

I can say with utmost confidence that I don't regret I single day in India. It was taught me so much about myself, about the world and about dance. Whether I would do it all again I can't say but I'm so happy I've done it and yes, yes I am actually very proud of myself.

I could probably keep writing about this for days but I shan't and this is now "Bharat Calling" signing off, this blog will remain as a memory of everything I've done and I'm so pleased I have it as that. 

Alors on danse...

Kolkata calling... (again)

It's Saturday, 12:05 as I write this. I've taken some rest, done some practice and after I've write this I'll cool down, shower and head back to Aunty's for lunch. I know I only wrote the last post a couple of days ago but I've been working through some things in my mind and have found various ways to deal with Christmas time and homesickness in general. 

Dance is the best distraction from everything. When I dance I can forget the world and just be in the moment and momentum of what I'm doing. But I can dance all day long and so when I'm not dancing I have to find ways of distracting myself and keeping myself busy. I have found a few things now that are doing just that...

Firstly I've decided I would like to present a small, very informal, solo Bharatanatyam recital for all my friends and family when I get back. I am by no means a professional dancer but I want to give something to everyone I couldn't buy presents for and I want to show everyone what I've been doing here in India. Also this gives me something to work towards, a clear goal to practice and work for. When I dance now I imagine I am actually performing for this informal recital and it motivates me to ignore the pain and tiredness and keep going. 

Secondly I've finally gotten around (is that correct English?) to learning to read and write both Hindi and Bangla. I don't know if I want to take these languages further when I leave India but whilst I'm here being able to read and write them would not only be useful but also fun. I bought two alphabet books here a while ago and I'm using them, Ilina has also written out the Bangla alphabet for me to show me how it is written in normal handwriting. In the holidays I'll get her to write the Hindi alphabet for me too. This really is a great distraction because, as a linguist, I really enjoy writing out the letters. It's also something easy to do that is quite relaxing really. Once I've learnt the alphabet I can try and read children's books and newspapers, not understand them per se but just sound out the letters. 

Lastly, I found out that my Bharatanatyam class back home is sitting their next set of dance exams in March, the month I get back... So naturally I've decided to sit the exams too and do all the study for them here. I did Grade 1 before I came to India and now I'm going to sit both Grade 2 and 3 on the same day. All of the theory (and there is a lot) I can work on here, I can make all the notes for the folders I have to present here and just put them in a folder when I get back. The two main items for the exams I know well and the other items I'll learn in the few weeks I have in March. I'm really enjoying preparing at the moment. I also realised that the whole point in this gap year originally had been to dedicate it to dance and although I have since decided not to dedicate the whole year to dance I can certainly dedicate a few more months to it. 

I have come to terms with the fact that I'm not experiencing India as a whole and that I am living in a dance bubble here but perhaps that was always going to be how I experienced India, through dance. India continues to teach me many things, patience and strength more than anything. There are still ups and downs but more and more of the time thigns are really good. I don't believe that wanting to come home necessarily means I'm not happy here, it just means I've learnt where I belong for the time-being. Everyday brings a new challenge and sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail, but that isn't called India, that's called life. 

As much as I know many of you reading this aren't religious I would just like to say that my faith has gotten me through this whole experience. I pray every morning and every evening. It helps me feel not only closer to home but closer to myself. I don't spend the day listening to religious music, or visiting temples but when I think to myself, I like to think I'm talking to God and that gives me great strength. I don't find that India is the most free country, there are lot of aspects of who I am that I don't feel I can express here but it gives me great comfort to know that every aspect of who I am is inside me. 

So life is a challenge, and in the words of a song I've come to like

"There's always gonna' be another mountain, I'm always gonna' wanna' make it move. Always gonna' be an uphill battle, sometimes I'm gonna' have to lose. Aint about how fast I get there, aint about what's waitin' on the other side, it's the climb."

This is no longer about me coming back a professional dancer. This is about me coming back having lived. Having learnt more about myself and the world. Having found a love for dance through hardships and pain. Having learnt who I am. 

Home for Christmas.

So guys this is going to be a hard post to write and I'm sitting here alone at Ekdalia quite emotional so I'll try my best to make all of this make sense!

Things here in India are much better than they were. I no longer have to spend the mornings motivating myself to dance, I no longer wake up dreading the day ahead and I have a few people to chat to. However it's December, the week before Christmas and I'm away from home in a country that on the whole doesn't celebrate Christmas. I had never, ever imagined how hard I would find this.

So let's talk about Christmas and why it's such a big deal for me right now. I'm not a Christian and Christmas has never had a religious meaning for me but it is still a huge deal. I used to think that not being a Christian I might one day not celebrate Christmas as an adult. That'll never happen. Christmas is a part of my cultural identity. A lot of people I know often argue that England no longer has any culture and I used to say this too but coming here to India I realise how wrong that is. Christmas is a major part of being English and being in England. Towns are lit up with fairy lights, trees go up in city centres and in every home, shopping centres are covered in baubles and tinsel and the whole country is wrapped in a blanket of Christmas spirit. For me that just doesn't exist anywhere else.

I now understand songs that talk about coming home for Christmas and what that means. Christmas is the one time of year when you know that the whole family will come from all over the world to be together, your home will feel like it did when you were a kid, with all your brothers and sisters around. Christmas is often the one time a year you see all of those distant cousins and aunts and uncles you don't get to see the rest of the year. It's a time when we all come together, not as Christians, but as people. To celebrate life more than anything. To celebrate the passing of another year that has had its ups and downs and that you've come out of all the stronger. Christmas makes me think of warmth, I never had a fireplace to roast chestnuts on growing up but we had blankets and sofas and times of just snuggling down watching a Christmas movie.

I remember growing up that on Christmas morning there used to be this one film shown every year, around 5 or 6am for children. I can barely remember it now but it was one of the only times in the year that me and brother didn't fight and just sat together engrossed in the film, stuffing ourselves with the chocolate from our stockings. Now years later with my sister born, the three of us pile into my brother's room to munch our way through all the chocolate that inevitably comes every year. I remember that I used to get one gift every year by my bed that was a total surprise and was always signed "Santa" and I remember how my Mum just simply used to sign the gift labels with a heart and we'd know instantly it was from her, she still does this actually :P

All these things I'm missing this year and I can't begin to describe how hard it is. I know Christmas will come again next year and I know I chose to miss it this year but that doesn't make it easier. There will be no stocking this year, no presents, no tree, no lights, no snow, no Christmas films, no Christmas lunch. But something good has come out of this. I realise now more than ever who I am. I am English and England is where I want to be for a long while yet. People say you never realise what you had until it's gone. Well for me it isn't gone but I do now realise how much home means to me.

Reading might not be the most beautiful town in the world but it is to me. My life has been spent there, I've been through so much there. When you read a book the author always makes the effort to describe the setting in detail because it forms the background for the characters. If you read my life like a story, Reading would be there as the backbone for it all. India has taught me to appreciate who I am and where I come from. I don't think there is anything wrong with being patriotic now. I do love where I'm from and yes for me I do truly believe it's the best country in the world. There is nowhere like England at Christmas time.

Please don't read into this blog as me being dreadfully miserable. True Christmas time is and will continue to be hard until it's over but I am getting what I wanted out of India and I'm enjoying everything I can, so please don't worry too much. I can't wait to come home and for all of you that keep asking I'll be home in MARCH 2014

Shivastakam and Uday Shankar Nrityotsav 2013

Hello everyone,
So I haven't written a blog in a few days... sorry!

You know I go through each day thinking of a multitude of things I want to express here and I'm never sure when is the right moment. So I think I'll make this blog a mix of things today.

Let's start with dance progress, since dance is after all why I'm here. I've completed two items; Natesha Kavutwam and Shivapanchakshara Stotram. I started a third item on Tuesday, Shivastakam, and I've already learnt half of it. My aim is to finish the Shivastakam and learn one more item before I leave, if I manage another two items after Shivastakam I'll be over the moon. I've decided to put on a small, informal solo recital for family and friends when I get back home, to show everyone what I've learned. The idea of a solo performance, albeit a very informal one, is great motivation. I'm practising harder and enjoying practice more and more. My stamina has improved and of course so has my technique. I'm finding more and more that dance is what helps get away from homesickness, when I'm practising I can just put my all into it and only concentrate on the dance, which lets me forget everything else. I particularly like Shivastakam because, although it is a Hindu item, I can find a spiritual connection with it. The item, in short, describes the Hindu God Shiva, but many of those qualities described are ones that I also believe to be true of the almighty. India is teaching me a lot about dance, not just the technique, but also what dance means as a whole. It's a spiritual experience, it's love, it's devotion. Here, if you want to be a dancer then you have to give your whole self to the dance form. It's also interesting that here Bharatanatyam is the total norm, you're no longer the quirky one because you do Bharatanatyam, instead what you realise is that you have to find your own connection with it. Everyone here is a Bharatanatyam dancer, it's normal, so you are forced to find your own love and appreciation for it and make it your own.

A clip of my Bharatanatyam Guru in England, Ananya Chatterjee, performing Shivastakam:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDzfnYyLq6I

Moving on to Uday Shankar Nrityotsav 2013... Uday Shankar is a legend in the Indian dance world. I'm quite ignorant myself though, I know he was one of the first dancers to take Indian dance to the West. He created choreographies fusing classical Indian dance and creative movement. My dear friend Wikipedia can tell you more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uday_shankar. The Uday Shankar Nrityotsav is a dance festival in memory of him and is held annually in Kolkata, inviting dancers from both India and abroad to perform. It's a week-long festival and I've been able to go to every day so far. I can now say I've seen all of India's eight classical dances performed live! I really love performances, not just because I love to watch dance, but also because they inspire me to work harder. They remind me how much I love performing and how much of a connection I have with my dance styles. Performances are humbling too, they remind me of how far I have to go but that if I put the work in I can get there. I also love to see all the audience members because a lot of them are from the dance world, and there are so many young guys around my age there. It makes me feel like I want to eventually become part of the dance world, which is a good feeling. Tomorrow the amazing Malabika Sen is performing Kuchipudi and Bharatanatyam and Monday, the final day of the festival, Ilina is performing!

Here are a few photos from the last couple of days...

Moumita Chatterjee from Kalamandalam Kolkata, a disciple of Aunty, performing a Bharatanatyam solo.

Jayita Ghosh from Kalamandalam Kolkata, a disciple of Aunty, performing a Bharatanatyam solo.

Lopamudra Roy Choudhury performing a Kathak solo

Mallika Kandali performing a Sattriya solo.

T. Roneld Meetei performing a Manipuri solo.

Now let's talk about India more generally. I am finally starting to have the experience I had hoped I would and I am now starting to get out of this trip what I wanted to. There will always be ups and downs because that is how the world works but the are enough ups to counteract the downs. I'm learning so much about myself through this journey. My Hindi is improving leaps and bounds and I can just about get what's going on in a Bangla conversation now. I'm also losing weight which is a really amazing thing for me. According to Aunty's scales (which I'm not convinced work) I've lots 5 kilos, which I think is around a stone. So that's not bad at all and I bought a new kurta (Asian top) today to wear to Ilina's performance on Monday and I can tell you now that it would not have fitted me a month ago :) 

In case any of you were wondering, I do indeed intend to do a big reflection blog when I leave Kolkata.

That's all for now!

Kerala comes to Kolkata

Hey guys!

So it's been ages since I wrote a blog, which I think in some ways must mean I have less time on my hands which is a good thing? Perhaps? So I've been doing a few things over the past few days...

The week just gone I ended up not having class but instead spending the morning until lunch practising by myself. I've found a lot more motivation recently and enjoy pushing myself to go over items until I'm happy with them. I've been listening to BBC Radio Berkshire, BBC Rado Devon and NDR to keep me company.

I've begun going out after lunch for two main reasons, firstly Aunty doesn't like me sitting idle and secondly walking is good exercise. So I go out and walk around Ballygunge and Gariahat. I'm starting to get through my list of presents that I have to buy as well! People warned me that I'll be ripped off because I'm a foreigner and that's very true, I do pay more than Ilina would for example. That isn't to say I don't haggle, because I do, but I'm haggling on an already inflated price. The thing I have decided though is that what I pay still isn't a lot and it isn't everyday a westerner comes along so I feel that really I should pay a little more, simply because I can. It just seems fair.

I like walking around, not only is it quite liberating but of course I discover where places go and what shops are where. Shopping is also fun but if course because this is India you generally have to give yourself time. If you want to buy a shawl for example, expect to be shown the shop's entire collection in every colour before then getting around to haggling and whilst you're haggling you'll have to keep an eye on the shopkeeper putting the shawl your haggling over in a bag before you've fixed a price.

The last three evenings have been taken up with a three-day Mohiniyattam festival. Mohiniyattam is a classical dance form from Kerala, the same state Aunty is from. Aunty was a guest of honour and had helped organise the festival so we went for all three evenings. It was so surreal to walk into an auditorium in the middle of Kolkata and suddenly find yourself in a room of Malayali's all chatting away loudly in Malayalam. It basically like walking into Kerala. The dancers were all amazing, three of them famous Mohiniyattam dancers and the other two up-and-coming dancers. I've never seen abhinaya like that before (abhinaya is the art of expression in Indian classical dance). Such inspiring performances! You could feel the characters pain, sorrow, ecstacy and joy, it was just perfect. Mohiniyattam is traditionally performed by women but I wouldn't mine learning a little of it, it's so beautiful.

I'm busy making plans for the rest of my gap year after I get back from India which is a exciting and I'm generally doing all I can to make sure I make the most out of what time I have in India.

Aunty on day 2

Ilina on day 2

I'd just like to end this blog post with a small tribute to perhaps one of the greatest men to have visited this world,
"If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart." - Nelson Rolihlahli Mandela, may his soul become one with the almighty. 

Yoga and haggling.

Hello!

So yet again I haven't written in a few days so I'm sure I'll end up missing some details out here but here we go, seatbelts on!

Firstly you should all know that things are a lot better. I don't think I'll ever be completely settled but I am at a point where I can enjoy each day. Training is still hard but I've come to the point now where I'm taking things at a good pace without a profession as the goal but rather improvement and enjoyment. Since I've decided to stay for 3 months only I've started to really make the best out of each day. I am enjoying things, that's not to say I don't really miss home but rather that I simply have finally learnt to be comfortable enough to make this trip worth it.

So a few things have happened. Yesterday was my first yoga lesson at the World Yoga Society. Suku Uncle, Aunty's youngest son, walked me there and came in to help sort out giving in my membership card and fee etc. The class as it turns out is a private 1-2-1 class, which I am very grateful about! A lesson plan had been written and devised especially for based on what I had said I wanted to get out of the sessions. It was a half an hour session. I don't if that's because it was the first one. It wasn't too hard but equally not easy enough to call effortless. It was good, I was pleasantly surprised and I'm almost looking forward to going again tomorrow. I have lessons booked every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Suku Uncle was waiting outside when I came out, and we walked back to Aunty's together, stopping for tea on the way. Suku Uncle has been a lot of help whilst I've been here. He teaches Carnatic classical singing at the Rabindra Bharati University in Kolkata and he's very always look on the bright side.

A little funny anecdote for you all now. The other day me, Aunty and Ilina were all walking back from Gariahat campus. I walk this route almost every afternoon after lunch to go and spend the afternoon watching classes or rehearsals. There is a henna stall along the route and naturally I've passed it a lot and as a henna artists I always look at what they're up to. Well the day in question a lady was having some henna applied and Aunty stopped to watch. So naturally so did Ilina and I. One of the artists started speaking to Ilina in Bangla and I only found out what was said afterwards. I showed him some henna on my own hand that I'd done and he said to Ilina that it was very good and that he'd seen me walking up and down, past the stall, a few times. He asked Ilina if I was a doctor and Ilina being a comic genius decided to tell him that I was. So now I may well be asked for medical advice!

Today I did something exciting... I went shopping by myself for the first time! I decided I couldn't sit around and wait for people to take me, I also decided I should start soon since I have a lot I want to buy. So I went to buy some gifts. It was a lot of fun. I didn't speak any English, only Hindi. My Bangla isn't good enough yet. So of course all replies were in Hindi. I managed to haggle in Hindi too, I got 40 Rs. off of one purchase and 30 Rs. off of 5 others! I bought 6 gifts in total and all for just under £10 (960Rs. to be exact.) So I am very happy :) I'm planning to go again tomorrow. Going shopping has three benefits, firstly it uses up time in the afternoon when I'm not practising and when Aunty doesn't want me just sitting around. Secondly, it's good exercise because this being India the shopping streets go on forever. Thirdly, shopping for other people makes me feel closer to home and it's a nice release from being in a constant dance world.

I think that's all for today, I'm shattered right now and really need to get some sleep!

Decisions and Shoes

Hello,
So as it turns out I don't need to wait until the end of December to make a decision on my plan from now. It may or may not come as a surprise to some of you, but I have decided to cut my trip to India short by 2 months. I had originally planned to spend 5 months in Kolkata and 2 months in Lucknow. I now plan to spend 3 months in Kolkata and 2 in Lucknow. Which means I'll return at the end of March 2014. The plan has been to study Kathak under Anuj Mishra in Lucknow, the son of my Guru's Guru however Pt. Arjun Mishra, his father, is very ill and so whether I will be able to go there to study depends on his health. If the months I now want to go there aren't suitable because of health issues then I shall come back at the end of January 2014.

My decision is based on a lot of reasons. Originally I wanted to come home earlier because I wasn't settling here and if I'm honest I'm still not completely settled. I also felt a little unwanted at times and a bit of a burden. I have since realised though that that isn't true.So reason number one is because I'm not completely settled here and I don't see the point in using up so much of my gap year somewhere where I'm not 100% happy. Another reason is that as much as I now know beyond doubt that I want dance in my life and I want to continue to train and perform, I don't know how much I want it as a profession. I haven't decided that yet, I might still pursue it as a profession but whilst I'm deciding I think it makes sense to use the rest of my gap year to explore my passion for languages. Perhaps the final reason I've decided to leave early is because I just feel that 7 months is too long in one place. This is my gap year, I have an entire year of my life do exactly what I want to do, why spend it all in India?

The plan after India is to find 3 work placements in French, German or Spanish-speaking European countries, on campsites or in youth hostels. Allowing for one or two weeks at home in between each. If I find 3 placements then I think I'll start a new blog for my travels in general. None of this is to say that this time in India has been a waste or that I won't enjoy the next 4 months. I'm going to work as hard as I can and I'm going to make the absolute most out of the time I have left here. I don't know if I'll ever come back to India so I am going to do what I can whilst I'm here. My goal is still to come back I better dancer than when I came here and so far I am realising that goal.

In other news I bought some shoes :)

Camel leather, Rs. 550 - just over £5

20% off in a sale and then another discount because I didn't try and haggle, Rs. 320 - just over £3

and in case y'all were interested, this is the fabulous shop I got them in, definitely going back there!

Kathak Marathon, World Yoga Society and Misunderstandings

Hello everyone,

Before I write about how I'm feeling in general, I'd like to tell you all about an amazing opportunity I had on Sunday. Padatik Dance Centre, Kolkata has for the last 6 years organised a Kathak Marathon, this year was it's 7th year. It's an all day event of Kathak solo performances with live musicians. The idea is to develop the dancers' improvisation skills since they have no rehearsal opportunities with the musicians at all. The performances started at 10am and finished well after 9pm, and I got to stay pretty much all day. I only missed the first two soloists. I went with Aunty's youngest son who was a Kathak dancer when he was younger before he decided to pursue his Carnatic singing professionally instead. There was an hour's break in between the morning session and afternoon session and then again between the afternoon session and the evening session, so we went to a well-known restaurant called Haldiram's, 100% Veg (yay!), in both the breaks.

The soloists were a mix of junior and senior performers' and each session finished with a performance of a professional Kathak dancer. Most of the dancers were stunning, but speaking to Aunty's son he explained why some of them weren't yet professional, it was interesting because I hadn't even noticed the things he had. At the end of the morning session Anurekha Ghosh performed. I've been a fan of her YouTube channel for a while and have looked into her London-based dance company, but I never imagined I'd get to see her live! She has a unique style of Kathak but I love it and she always has interesting costumes. The afternoon session ended with Parwati Dutta who is a disciple of Pt. Birju Maharaj, who is basically the father of Kathak. I loved her performance because she's trained in the same school of Kathak as me; Lucknow Gharana. The evening session ended with a spectacular performance; Ashim Bandhu Bhattacharya, who is an extremely well-known Kathak Guru here in West Bengal peformed along with Sandip Mullick who is one of the top performers in Kolkata and West Bengal, as well as Souvik Chakraborty who is on a par with Sandip Mullick. They performed one piece together, then a solo each and then they came together and did a huge improvisation together. The atmosphere was amazing because these guys are the top of the Kathak scene here in Kolkata and watching them just improvise with the tabla player on stage was phenomenal. Oh, I should mention that these three dancers are all men, as a male dancer I enjoy watching other male dancers more than female dancers because I can identify with them more. Throughout all three sessions there were only three male soloists, as in not the three at the end. My favourite performer of the whole event was Manab Parai, he's a first year Kathak MA student at the Rabindra Bharati University in Kolkata.

Anurekha Ghosh!

Parwati Dutta

Manab Parai

Ashim Bandhu Bhattacharya, Sandip Mullick and Souvik Chakraborty

So let's move on to how things are generally. To be honest I can't really tell from one day to the next. If we start with dance and class. That is so much better, I'm enjoying it most of the time now. I have loads more energy, I can sit in araimandi (demi-plié) so much lower now and without too much pain, I don't get as thirsty. So all of that is good. Mallabika Sen even complimented me the other day! I've completely finished the Natesha Kavutwam, which means not only being able to dance it but also dance it well, know the song off by heart and be able to count the beat whilst singing it. I'm now learning the Shiva Panchakshara Stotram and after that I'll be learning the Shivashtakam. Also the girls that are often there during my class, the ones I have to do class in front of, are learning to sing the dance songs properly so now I often dance whilst they sing, it's quite fun because we're all working on something together then.

The thing that isn't so great here is when the language barrier leads to misunderstandings and anger and irritation and offence. I find the best way to deal with this is to block it out of my mind, because if I think about too much, it makes me stress and then that effects my dancing. I've decided to assess my situation here at the end of December and decided if I want to stay longer and how long for. I'm not saying I'm unhappy but just that I have a lot of questions about this experience and I feel that at the end of December I'll be able to address them properly. 

In other news Aunty took me to the World Yoga Society today and I am now an enrolled  member and have special classes three times a week. The doctor there has instructed that I get special care because he's a friend of Aunty. So we'll see how that goes! Initially I was dreading the idea of yoga but the doctor was so nice and enthusiastic that I'm feeling better about the whole thing. I've also written a timetable of all the classes at Ekdalia and Gariahat campuses during the week so that I can get myself to them to watch and don't have to spend too much time alone. 

So things aren't bad, but I do feel I have a love-hate relationship with India. 

(If you're reading this and you have me on Facebook, there are loads more photos from the Kathak Marathon on there so check them out!)

Rituranga and Independence

Hello,

Another update from Kolkata :)

Yesterday I went to a performance of Rituranga. Rituranga or Riturongo as it's pronounced in Bangla, is a dance programme about the seasons based on Rabindranath Tagore's music and poetry. The programme is mainly made up of Bharatanayam. There are Kuchipudi and Mohiniyattam elements throughout and one of Aunty's students is also trained in Kathak so she performs Kathak in a few of the pieces. The whole thing is choreographed by Guru Smt. Thankamani Kutty aka Aunty. Rituranga has been around the world and most recently did a tour of Australia. Yesterday's performance came at the end of some kind of conference. It was held at the Swiss Hotel in New Kolkata. It was really surreal going from the outside world of New Kolkata, which is basically miles and miles of construction sites because it's still being built and into the swanky, air-conditioned hotel. It could easily have been in the middle of Paris or New York.

Now I am in no position to critique the work of such an infamous Guru but I do have my own opinions on Rituranga. It was a stunning performance with so many beautiful colours but personally I am a bit of a purist when it comes to Bharatanatyam, I like the classical items from the traditional repertoire, I like the classical carnatic music. Rabindranath's music, although beautiful, only really appeals to Bengali's in my opinion. There were also a few pieces performed in Mohiniyattam costume because they had a lot of Mohiniyattam elements in them. To the trained eye the elements were obvious but even so I, personally, would have liked to have seen some pure Mohiniyattam in there. Either it was a spectacular performance and I had front row seats again, along with Senjuti Sengupta's father. (Senjuti is the dancer from Pratibha Utsav I wrote about)

On the weekends I don't have dance class, instead I go to Ekdalia and spend the morning there sleeping, resting and doing my own practice. I did do practice but it's never as hard as what I do in class because I don't push myself enough... clearly something I need to work on. This evening I went to Girija Aunty's Gariahat class again. They're not the best dancers but I like watching Girija Aunty teach and they do items I particularly like. I then stayed for class afterwards, the one that had those three amazing boys in the other week. Sadly only 4 out of 10 students turned up tonight, but two of the guys were amongst the 4 so no complaints!

So independence. Well, basically everytime I go to Ekdalia or Gariahat these days, I walk there by myself. I've started to walk with my iPod as well now. This allows me to take in everything around me more, I like being about to switch of the sounds of the streets and add in my own soundtrack to what I'm seeing. There's always something to look at, this morning there was a woman jogging along with a door on her head, that made me smile. On the way to Gariahat there are some really good sari stalls which I get a glance at whilst walking past. It feels good to be walking somewhere with a goal, it makes me feel less like an outsider.

In other news I've stopped taking my malaria tablets for now because they may have been the reason for my negative moments. Depression is often a side-effect of them. So we'll see if I feel more positive in general now, I think I do. I still have to struggle with everyone thinking I'm, in simple English, too fat to be a dancer but I try not to let it bother me because I don't really care what others think, I can't. I need to get to a point in my mind when I can ignore the exhaustion, the tiredness and the pain and just keep pushing and dancing. At the moment I barely get to the pain because my body fizzles out before it gets there. Something just needs to click in my head when I think, enough is enough. I can't keep giving a half-hearted effort, I have to ignore the limitations of my body and listen to what my heart wants to do, which is dance.

Here are some photos of Ekdalia for you, I know I have been talking about Ekdalia for ages but haven't uploaded in any photos! So here you go

Ekdalia branch of Kalamandalam Kolkata

Ekdalia again, this is where my classes are usually held. That door you can see on the right is where my suitcases are.

Ekdalia again, this is where my classes are usually held. The room to the right is the second, smaller classroom. 

The smaller classroom at Ekdalia

The smaller classroom at Ekdalia

Pratibha Utsav and Dance Motivation

Hello!
I went to see another performance last night. It was the first day of a two day performance called Pratibha Utsav. Half of the performance was Bharatanatyam and the other half Kathak. The Bharatanatyam was performed by Senjuti Sengupta a student of Aunty and the Kathak was performed by Debjaya Sarkar. It was a beautiful performance held in an open-air stage, like a mini Colosseum. Watching performances are always inspirational because you realise not just how much work you have to do but also where you could one day be. I love watching performances and thinking that one day that could be me, in the silk costume with the temple jewellery, performing an art form thousands of years old in front of an audience that believes in all the stories I'm telling. Having watched three performances of Mallabika Sen now, the one think I noticed about Ms. Sengupta was that as much as she is an amazing dancer, she is not a performer to the same level as Mallabika. You could tell when she was tiring, and you could see her technique ever so slightly beginning to loosen, those things you don't see with Mallabika. It just shows you how much of a difference there is between being a good dancer and being a good performer.

The Kathak half was breathtaking, it confirmed to me that Kathak is and always will be my first love. I just can't get over how beautiful the subtlety is. The technical side of Kathak also takes my breath away every time, I just love the sharpness of the footwork and head movements but how the arms and torso move as gracefully as running water. I also felt a strange closeness to the Kathak performance, like it was a part of me, it was almost like home, a place where I felt comfortable. I haven't gotten to that stage with Bharatanatyam yet. Of course the performance did again show me how much I still have to do, the dancer had an excellent knowledge of Hindustani music and worked in unison with the Tabla player. She also made quite simple movements tell the most intricate story.

So now let's talk about serious stuff. Life here in India and how I'm struggling. I'm not entirely sure why but for some reason I can't handle being by myself for long periods of time here. More than an hour alone and I just can't handle it. I hate seeming weak but I'm not going to deny how I'm feeling to the people around me here. Today things almost got to breaking point because it seemed like Aunty was easing me back into spending more time by myself at Ekdalia. If I'm to be honest then yes I was fighting hard to hold back the tears when I actually spoke to Aunty. I managed to get my feelings across and she understood. I had to explain that for some reason I am still not completely settled and I might never be. I can't handle being alone right now, that might change in the future but I can't say right now. I am working really hard in class and pushing myself constantly and I know I'm overweight and I don't have a dancer's body, but although I'm working on that I cannot change it overnight and therefore I need to ease myself into more practice, I'm not physically capable of doing 4-5 hours of practice a day yet. Aunty it seems did understand, and she told me that the only reason she wanted me to use the afternoons to practice was so that I didn't waste time. She said she wanted me to practice so I could lose weight and go back a better dancer. She said she didn't want me to go back with nothing to show for my time here. So things are back to being ok. I am ok.

What I do find though is that I have a surprising ability to motivate and inspire myself. Despite everything that may happen from day to day I am able to stand back up, dust myself off and look forward to the next day. I listen to a lot of music, some that reminds me of home and some that has always inspired me to dance. I watch a lot of dance videos and documentaries on YouTube, I find Ballet is especially inspiring. I've started to put together a dance motivation folder that I look through daily. It's reassuring and surprising just how much I find myself able to do emotionally. There is no-one here to push me back up when I'm down, no-one to tell me I can do it, but I find I am able to do those things myself. I don't quite know how I'm able to build a wall around all of my negative thoughts and actually look deep inside myself and find not only inspiration and motivation for the next day but also an actual sense of looking forward to it.

I don't want you all to think I'm having a bad time here but it is true to say that my experience here is 50/50 at the moment. There are good things of course. I am making progress in class, I am building muscle and stamina. My technique is getting better. I am getting to experience some of this immense country. When I walk to and from class I get to walk through the streets of stalls selling sari's, clothes, food, jewellery and everything else under the sun. I get to see a huge array of colourful people all around me. I couldn't ever live here because it isn't my country and it isn't where I feel at home but it is one of the most interesting countries in the world. Despite everything you may read into from this blog I will say this, in the words of the fabulous Édith Piaf; Non, je ne regrette rien. No, I don't regret anything. 

World Pain Symposium and the power of self.

Hello everyone,

So firstly I want to tell you about another amazing opportunity I got last night. Being a student of Kalamandalam and staying with Aunty means I get to go to loads of dance programmes as part of the artists' team, which means I get good seats, I don't have to buy a ticket and I get to go backstage. Last night I went with Kalamandalam's secretary, aka Somnath Uncle, who is Aunty's son and Ilina to the World Pain Symposium 2013's WIPF 2013 Symposium Dinner. It was held outside in beautiful grounds, with a water feature in the background and tables set all over the lawn. There were three performances; Tanmoy Bose, a famous Tabla player, performed three songs with his group. They mix western music with Hindustani classical music. This was followed by two Bharatanatyam items and a Kuchipudi item by the one and only Mallabika Sen and then finally a breathtaking Kathakali performance by the head of department and one of his teachers from the Vishva Bharati University of West Bengal.

I got to sit in one of two rows of seats right in front of the stage. The Hindustani parts of Tanmoy Bose's compositions took me right back to my Kathak classes in Reading. There is something about Tabla and Hindustani music that is very comforting, it makes me picture Kathak in my head. Mallabika Sen was, as per usual, amazing. She performed Sangeetham and Kali Kavutwam in Bharatanatyam, both pieces I have seen her perform on the two other occasions I've had the chance to watch her performances. In between the two she performed Krishna Shabdam, my all time favourite Kuchipudi item. Krishna Shabdam tells stories of the young Krishna and it is an absolutely beautiful piece. Then finally there was a Kathakali performance. Kathakali is a dance-drama from Kerala, South India. It's beautiful and the amount of history behind it is amazing. I've never seen it performed live before. Traditionally a Kathakali performance is spread over 3 nights, it'll start late in the evening and go on until the early hours of the morning. For last night's programme though they had condensed it to a short half an hour performance. It was still amazing to watch. It's only when you see Kathakali in the flesh that you can understand beyond doubt how someone can devote their whole lives to it. It's an art that has thousands of layers, there is no limit to it's expression and beauty.

My seats :D

Tanmoy Bose and group

Kali Kavutwam in Bharatanatyam by Mallabika Sen

Kali Kavutwam in Bharatanatyam by Mallabika Sen

Krishna in Kathakali by the head of the Kathakali department at the Vishva Bharati University of West Bengal

Krishna and Arjun in Kathakali

It's funny you know, no matter what happens in my life, no matter how happy or sad I am. I always find that, in time, I realise that I am by biggest power. India thus far hasn't been easy and I've made no secret of that but I find myself able to pick myself up again and find the deeper meaning within what I do. I think the first time I realised that dance was a permanent part of my life, the first time I realised I wanted to do something with dance was whilst co-running a henna stall with a friend at a tiny outside fair in Leighton Buzzard. There was a local dance school; Leanne Hughes Theatre School. They performed a number of items but one of them stuck with me. It was a contemporary dance to the song When Mermaids Fly. A male dancer started and was later joined by mermaids. There was something about it that struck a chord in me and I have remembered it ever since. 

Each day is a challenge, not just for me here in India but for the entire world. In Islam followers believe that this entire life is a test given by God. I like that view. People often question me when I say I'm a dancer because I don't have a dancers' body but then that is not all there is to being a dancer. Being a dancer is about letting your body express you innermost feelings about the world around you. Bharatanatayam began as a temple dance form and today much of the repertoire is based on Hindu mythology but it is much more than that. The stories in Hinduism have one message underlying all of them, the victory of good over evil. The idea that no matter what may come our way it is a pure heart, good intentions and truth that will ultimately win, you don't have to be a Hindu to relate to that. Bharatanatyam allows me to connect with a history of over two thousand years but also connect to a inner part of myself.

Every time I watch a class or go to a performance I am inspired to work harder the next day. Not to please those around me but to give myself piece of mind. When I work hard I feel good about myself, dance is not about others primarily. It is about yourself, your power, what you can do and what you feel. Other dancers inspire me to be a better person not just a better dancer. Until I have pushed through the boundaries and limits of my body to feel the beauty and spirituality of dance I am not giving up. No matter how much I miss home, or how much I'm learning here about who I am, or even the new things I'm seeing and experiencing, dance is the thread connecting everything I do. Dance is what makes it all make sense. 

"We learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same. One becomes in some area an athlete of God." - Martha Graham

Autos, Lungis and Me.

Hi guys.
I don't really know where to start with this blog. There are some exciting and interesting that I've done and found out but there are also a lot of things that have made me feel out of place. So this blog, as my mind currently is, is going to be a mix of emotions, a mix of ups and downs.

So training is still rigorous. I'm learning a choreography called Natesha Kavutwam. I started it briefly back in England. Here I'm expected to pick it up much quicker than I am back home. I'm also expected to spend every breathing moment reading over the song, learning the words and meanings off by heart, keeping the beat and rhythm and doing all of the moves. Or at least I feel as if that is what is expected of me. I often feel that every minute I'm not doing something dance related I'll come under attack. I often have to tell myself, that I chose to come here, I paid to come here and therefore technically the final decision on how much I do is with me.

Yesterday morning though I got to meet a male student of Kalamandalam. A guy called Sandip (or Shondip if you're Bengali), he's obviously studying Bharatanatyam but he told me he had studied Kathak for 5 years when he was younger. It was nice to talk to someone nearer my age, but he wouldn't have said a word if I hadn't smiled at him first. I'm learning that about Indians, or at least here, they tend to wait for you to make the first move. I also bought two nalla's, which are like drawstrings that you put into trousers and a lungi. A lungi is basically a loincloth. It's worn by men in Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, Bangladesh, India and Pakistan to name a few. In Kolkata it's generally worn by Muslims and poor people in public, but apparently a lot of Bengali men across the city wear it at home. Traditionally they're blue or green and are printed with a checked pattern, but being English that design reminds me far too much of a tea towel, so I got a more modern design. I actually wanted one to wear after taking a shower because there are no shower cubicles here, you just shower in the bathroom with a bucket and jug and the water goes down a drain, which means the floor is always soaked so putting on trousers is a pain, hence the lungi.

my lungi :)

When I say I bought, I mean Ilina bought them for me. Ilina is the other student that lives here with Aunty. She's been here for 7 years. I have no idea how old she is but I'd guess early twenties, when I first got here she was quite quiet but now we often chat. We always speak Hindi because she speaks it very well and I feel more comfortable conversing in it here than English. Anyway, whenever I want to buy something and she's with me, she never lets me pay. When I asked her why she said that when she came to my country then I could pay. After the lungi and nalla shopping me and Ilina went to buy some fruit, during which the banana vendor insisted on giving me a free banana. On the way back she kept grabbing my arm when we crossed the road and when I pointed out that I had by now crossed the roads in Kolkata by myself countless times, she said that even so she was scared of anything happening to me because I was her brother. N'awww.

I also get to learn some cultural things from Ilina. Whenever I walk anywhere with here there are times when she touches her forehead and then heart three times in succession. I knew that when walking past a shrine Hindus did this as a way of paying their respects to the shrine without out physically stopping to offer a prayer and I knew that Hindus also did it whenever they passed a funeral procession for similar reasons but the other day Ilina did whilst walking past a beggar, so I asked why and the answer was really quite beautiful. She said that by doing that it was a way of saying to the beggar, that she had nothing to give, a plea almost to the beggar not to ask because she couldn't give. It's like three-way conversation between you, the beggar and a sense of spirituality, really quite beautiful I thought.

Some things though are still hard to deal with here. I sometimes feel that I am outstaying my welcome at Aunty's, which with all due respect seems ridiculous because I am paying. She prefers me to go to Ekdalia, where all of my things are instead of sit at her house, which is where I sleep. The thing is that although the bedroom at Ekdalia is perfectly adequate, it's unbearably lonely. You just sit there with two empty dance classrooms, a smelly, poor excuse for a kitchen, a usable but dirty bathroom and the quite pretty bedroom. So if Aunty has got it in her head that once I'm more settled I'll move back there, she might well be very wrong. I need human interaction to survive here.

I have also realised that I'm living in a dance cocoon. I go from Aunty's house to dance class, to Aunty's house to dance class. I don't get to see much of Kolkata at the moment. It's quite surreal really to be in a world where Bharatanatyam is the utmost norm. I watch 2 or more classes almost everyday, I practice everyday, I hear about and talk about Bhartanatyam all day long. In many ways I'm loving this little dance world in the middle of a Bengali city but there are times when I feel I'd like to see a bit further. So I've organised with Ilina to go shopping in the week or so break that we get in December, we'll go with Aunty's daughter-in-law, who is lovely and apparently a sari expert. I feel I need to go shopping, to experience a bit of the fun of India I've always dreamt of.

Lastly I thought I'd tell you about taxis and auto-rickshaws. I have now experienced both. Taxis are more expensive, expect to pay a minimum of Rs. 25 (roughly 25p) for a journey. They work the same way taxis in London do. I have to say they're not as crazy as many people would have you believe, in this part of Kolkata drivers generally do stick to a civilised road manner, or maybe I've just become used to it! I have however found that taxis here, the famous Kolkata yellow taxis, are dreadfully uncomfortable. Auto-rickshaws however are my new love. They generally cost a minimum of Rs. 7 (roughly 7p) and they work like buses. They can take up to 4 people and much like buses, if you're already in the rickshaw then another 3 people can also get in along the way. The also have stops just like buses, so they won't take you door to door. The reason I love them is because other than the roof there aren't really any sides, they're completely open and they dart in and out of the traffic. I feel like I lose myself in the hustle and bustle of the city and get a 5 minute pause of anonymity and freedom in a rickshaw, it's almost like flying in my opinion.

I'm sure there is much more I could write but for now I'm going to bed because despite the fact that tomorrow I don't have class, Aunty still wants me to get up in the morning and spend the morning at Ekdalia not here. So I do still need to attempt to get some sleep!

I shall leave you with some photos of the Gariahat campus :)

The Laments of a Linguist

I believe that blogs should be a true representation of life and I want this blog to truly represent every aspect of my life in India, for friends and family but also for potential travellers or dancers thinking of doing what I'm doing. So here are a few things I've picked about India and also about languages.

Just after I got to India, an Indian friend of mine told me that Indians were some of the nicest, friendliest people on earth but that they might be shy. I have to say I didn't at all believe him. Alas I've now seen it is indeed true. When I walk the streets of Ballygunge, South Kolkata, everyone stares at me. I am a white face in Pakistani clothes in a part of Kolkata not generally seen as touristy, so stares are to be expected. The thing is that it can be incredibly intimidating, the trick however is to smile because once you smile, you'll get such smile back that it just warms your heart. Someone once said that the thing about India is that there is life everywhere and this is so true. In every aspect of day-to-day life people here find time to smile and to laugh, they find time to get angry and to cry, they find to discuss the latest develops in Obama's career and the recession in England. There is never not enough time, never any time when things just stop. The thing I find most beautiful are the little shrines tucked into every little corner of the city, everyone here at some point finds time to pray, even just for a second. Life here is a gift and that is something you see all around you here.

Something that is often hard for westerners to adjust to is that nothing ever stand still here and nothing is monotonous. The streets of Ballygunge in the evenings are quite simply an attack on the senses. There are so many smells that you couldn't physically identify them all, there is colour on every corner and the amount of people that manage to squeeze into one path never ceases to amaze me. I think that in England we like our peace and quiet every now and then, we like a little moment in our day to just think and breathe and reflect but here every moment is a reflection, there is endless time and yet no time. It's very hard to adjust to constant moving, it's like living in a Christmas tree, one with those lights that flicker non-stop.

I will slowly add a lot more to this list as I find out more about this city. Now let's talk language. The one thing that I can now see many linguists in the UK have very wrong is that Hindi is the language to learn if you want to go to India. Hindi quite simply is not enough. I am in Kolkata, the capital city of West Bengal. The language of life here is Bangla, people here might speak Hindi, but most of them in my experience are more comfortable speaking in English. Bangla is the language of education, of publicity, of literature, of life. You can't survive here without Bangla. All shop signs are in Bangla, all posters are in Bangla, everything is in Bangla, Hindi is rare.

If there is one piece of advice I can give someone travelling to Kolkata for a long time it's to learn as much Bangla as possible beforehand. As a linguist when people around me are speaking Bangla, I make a conscious effort to listen to every word they say, to listen to the pronunciation, the intonation, the words. I am picking up a lot but I still don't understand most of what is being said and that creates a lot of problems. Not when people speak directly to me, then they tend to use Hindi or English. One problem is that people know I don't really speak Bangla and so they quite happily discuss me right in front of me, whilst looking at me. Now I know this is their mother tongue but then I would just simply prefer it if they discussed me when I'm not standing right there. The other thing that I find infuriating is that people tend to not bother letting me know what's going on half the time, they'll get ready to go out for example and then tell me about 5 minutes before they leave and I've got 5 minutes to decide what to do and then get ready for the outcome of that decision. If I spoke Bangla however I could perhaps latch on to what's happening from day to day because it is of course discussed in front of me. The quicker I pick up Bangla the better. 

Indian High Society

So today I went to I had the opportunity to go a dance performance of the wonderful Malabika Sen again! The event was hosted by a ladies study group in Kolkata, mainly by the rich and well-to-do Marwari business women. The show was held in someone's house, how on earth this mansion was a house is unbelievable. It was held in their garden, a really beautiful setting.

The show began with a boring introduction in bad English (more about that to come) and then a song by a lady who, I kid you not, had had trainers made of the same fabric as her kanjivaram silk sari! Then the hostess began to introduce the first dance act, a dance by the women of the study group, supposedly comprising of kathak and bharatanatyam, unsurprisingly it was awfully done, pretty much an insult to classical arts. That was followed by a lovely Odissi performance, sadly I can't remember the dancer's name. The only annoying thing was that her music stopped halfway through which must have been awful for her. Aunty however thought she was only mediocre.

Then came the wonderful Malabika Sen with a Bharatanatyam piece, Kali Kavutwam, with a couple of Kuchipudi movements mixed in. She was perfect as per usual, and everytime she enacted the Goddess Kali stabbing a demon you felt like she was stabbing you. This was then followed by the hostess giving a long speech on the history Kathak and then introducing three women from the study group to perform Kathak. Kathak my bum, it was an absolute insult to the art form. That was followed by a performance of dandiya, the Gujarati folk dance, which was quite fun and then finally there was a Manipuri dancer accompanied by some Tangta fighters. As Aunty explained she used to be a wonderful Manipuri dancer but she's a bit old now to perform, it was a tad lifeless.

Some photos from before the show...

Ok so now let's talk about these high society women. The first thing you notice about them is that being overdressed quite simply doesn't exist. Then I noticed that they were all speaking in English. No Hindi, no Bangla, no Marwari; all English! They all held themselves with an heir of arrogance and all of the hello's, long time no see's seemed so forced. One woman behind me came up to talk to some people and I heard her say "I forgot they weren't talking to you", it was like an Indian Eastender's except there was so much about it all that wasn't Indian. Yes they had incense constantly burning, yes they were all in Indian clothes, but there was very little Indian language, very little Indian anything in the way they acted. 

A few things annoyed be about this high society. One was that the introduction to every performance went into great deal about classical dance and Hindu mythology but in truth none of them had a clue about the classical arts at all. They were Indian and didn't appear to know the first thing about their thousands of years of history. The pathetic example of so-called Kathak proved that. The other thing I found irritating was what I interpreted as a denial of all things Indian. I will never understand why someone can think their own language is beneath them and how the language of the people that oppressed them for hundreds of years is better. The whole programme was presented in English too, again this I will never understand. I know for a fact that everyone sitting there understood Hindi perfectly. From what I know everyone in India except in the South, studies Hindi at school and takes exams in it. As the national language, nearly all Indians (again except in the South) can read and understand Hindi, if not speak it well. Why then would you choose to read from a script in a foreign language? It had to be read from a script because it was clear they didn't understand half of what they were reading. They couldn't pronounce any of it, they used words we never use in English. I'm not saying this to be arrogant about the English language, I think it's great that they can all communicate in English but what I have a problem with is when they put English above another mutual language that everyone can speak, understand and pronounce better. 

In other news I didn't dance today because to be quite frank my body can't handle dance every single day just yet, so I've decided to do 5 days of dance and then 2 days of just watching and following other classes. 

Here Come The Boys

Hello!

Ok so let's go through today shall we? So I was up at 6:30 this morning... yes that's right on a Saturday morning! Kalamandalam has a big building near Salt Lake, from what I could tell it's not entirely finished yet. I went to join in with two of the classes going on, so I slaved away in the first class and the other student who is living with me said she was impressed with how much I did, and apparently Aunty said so too (if my understanding of her Hindi was correct!). I did really push myself today, and just kept going. After that class I got to have a break during another class and then I was back to dancing to learn a choreography I had started learning briefly in England. Girija Aunty was assigned to teach me this with the rest of the class while Aunty went to teach elsewhere. Girija Aunty is very strict and when she'd finished teaching the class and I the first few minutes of the piece and had taken them through the rest of their class while I sat and watched, she called me up again as the rest of the class were leaving and made me go through it again and then learn the next few minutes D: So I was dead by lunchtime.

The afternoon passed quite leisurely, after lunch I just said and lost myself in a book for a few hours. Then evening came and Aunty changed into a sari which always means she's going out somewhere. Tonight she went to a children's carnatic music concert. Since there was no dancing she didn't think I'd want to go, so I had the choice of staying in the flat alone for a few hours or going with Girija Aunty to her evening class. Naturally I opted to go and watch her class. There were about 6 girls roughly my age in her class and of course I loved watching.

Then the best thing about today happened. In the class after Girija Aunty's, taught by another student-come-teacher of Aunty's, there were three male students! Other than myself I've never seen another male Bharatanatyam student. It was so amazing to watch them! They danced with such strength and precision and it was just great to see other guys. Sometimes always being the only guy in the room can get lonely but three in one class! I didn't actually get to speak to them, although they did say bye when I left. I am planning to make sure I get to go and watch next Saturday and then try and pluck up the courage to talk to them. I do know the basic greetings in Bangla actually so I could try actually speaking some Bangla for once! Seeing that class tonight is pretty much enough inspiration to last me weeks, so I am now very content :)

I'm planning to walk to Ekdalia tomorrow, aka the place where I shower and where all of my stuff is. I'm braving the walk alone! Then I'm back at Aunty's for breakfast and ready to go to Sunday morning classes! I'm also hoping to go back to Ekdalia in the afternoon to finally get some decent Kathak practice in. Until next time!

Inspiration and Motivation

Hey everyone!
Ok so umm really I should be writing about everything that has happened in the last two days but.............. I can't remember anything and I'm tired so you'll have to just live with me leaving some stuff out of this :P

So to start with I thought I'd tell you quickly about my confusing and irritating visit to the Foreigner's Registration Office in Kolkata. If you're staying in India for more than 6 months you have to register. Since I'm planning to stay for 7 I went to do just this, but after having spent ages getting all the paperwork together, I was told that because I was only in Kolkata for 5 months I didn't need to register here and if I extended my visa for Lucknow then the part of my stay over 6 months would be there and I'd have to register at the nearest office there, which would be Delhi. After leaving the office I then remembered that I have to apply for a visa extension 3 months in advance. So now I'll have to go back in 2 months to extend the visa and then I'll see what they say about registering then. Welcome to India!

Now let's talk about this inspiration and motivation. I didn't dance yesterday because I wasn't feeling well. If I'm honest I'm pretty sure half of it was imagined and I'm pretty sure I played it up so I could take a break from training. I was so frustrated that I was letting myself do it and I was extremely disappointed with myself. I still think that not dancing was the most sensible idea because if something had been up then making it worse would have been stupid and I really did just need a break. Missing class made me determined to dance today. I went to bed absolutely resolute in dancing the next day and alas I did. Two things happened in class today. Firstly there were loads of other girls there for their class, most of them have been learning for years. Doing class in front of one or two of them is normally intimidating enough, but a whole class of them! But something had changed in my mind this morning, no doubt because of how angry I was with myself from yesterday. So I thought to myself, yes these girls are more experienced, yes I might make a fool of myself but I came here to study Bharatanatyam because I love it, I came here for myself, not for anyone else. So I worked my utmost hardest and at some points the others joined in and at other points they stood and watched but I just got on with it because that is what I came for. I actually found that when they saw I was trying they were quite encouraging.

The second thing that was different in today's class was that my energy levels seemed to be slightly higher, I wasn't thinking about when I could next take a sip of water, or when I could take a break. I was just thinking about getting the move right. By not focusing on what my body could or couldn't do and just pushing myself to do what I was being shown I actually enjoyed class, I finally got to enjoy Bharatanatyam for the dance and not struggle out of breath, not to say I wasn't out of breath! I just wasn't thinking about it :P

So all in all today was really great. Aunty also insisted on taking me to a doctor, and I've got another two sets of tablets and two bottles of cough syrup. Yay!

Watching classes here is really the biggest inspiration, I love watching other students dance, especially more experienced dancers than myself, which is most of them! I become so lost in what I'm watching, it's so beautiful and it pushes me to work harder so that I can become as good as some of them one day.

So tomorrow I have class again and I'm actually looking forward to it, alas sleep calls, so until next time!