Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Home for Christmas.

So guys this is going to be a hard post to write and I'm sitting here alone at Ekdalia quite emotional so I'll try my best to make all of this make sense!

Things here in India are much better than they were. I no longer have to spend the mornings motivating myself to dance, I no longer wake up dreading the day ahead and I have a few people to chat to. However it's December, the week before Christmas and I'm away from home in a country that on the whole doesn't celebrate Christmas. I had never, ever imagined how hard I would find this.

So let's talk about Christmas and why it's such a big deal for me right now. I'm not a Christian and Christmas has never had a religious meaning for me but it is still a huge deal. I used to think that not being a Christian I might one day not celebrate Christmas as an adult. That'll never happen. Christmas is a part of my cultural identity. A lot of people I know often argue that England no longer has any culture and I used to say this too but coming here to India I realise how wrong that is. Christmas is a major part of being English and being in England. Towns are lit up with fairy lights, trees go up in city centres and in every home, shopping centres are covered in baubles and tinsel and the whole country is wrapped in a blanket of Christmas spirit. For me that just doesn't exist anywhere else.

I now understand songs that talk about coming home for Christmas and what that means. Christmas is the one time of year when you know that the whole family will come from all over the world to be together, your home will feel like it did when you were a kid, with all your brothers and sisters around. Christmas is often the one time a year you see all of those distant cousins and aunts and uncles you don't get to see the rest of the year. It's a time when we all come together, not as Christians, but as people. To celebrate life more than anything. To celebrate the passing of another year that has had its ups and downs and that you've come out of all the stronger. Christmas makes me think of warmth, I never had a fireplace to roast chestnuts on growing up but we had blankets and sofas and times of just snuggling down watching a Christmas movie.

I remember growing up that on Christmas morning there used to be this one film shown every year, around 5 or 6am for children. I can barely remember it now but it was one of the only times in the year that me and brother didn't fight and just sat together engrossed in the film, stuffing ourselves with the chocolate from our stockings. Now years later with my sister born, the three of us pile into my brother's room to munch our way through all the chocolate that inevitably comes every year. I remember that I used to get one gift every year by my bed that was a total surprise and was always signed "Santa" and I remember how my Mum just simply used to sign the gift labels with a heart and we'd know instantly it was from her, she still does this actually :P

All these things I'm missing this year and I can't begin to describe how hard it is. I know Christmas will come again next year and I know I chose to miss it this year but that doesn't make it easier. There will be no stocking this year, no presents, no tree, no lights, no snow, no Christmas films, no Christmas lunch. But something good has come out of this. I realise now more than ever who I am. I am English and England is where I want to be for a long while yet. People say you never realise what you had until it's gone. Well for me it isn't gone but I do now realise how much home means to me.

Reading might not be the most beautiful town in the world but it is to me. My life has been spent there, I've been through so much there. When you read a book the author always makes the effort to describe the setting in detail because it forms the background for the characters. If you read my life like a story, Reading would be there as the backbone for it all. India has taught me to appreciate who I am and where I come from. I don't think there is anything wrong with being patriotic now. I do love where I'm from and yes for me I do truly believe it's the best country in the world. There is nowhere like England at Christmas time.

Please don't read into this blog as me being dreadfully miserable. True Christmas time is and will continue to be hard until it's over but I am getting what I wanted out of India and I'm enjoying everything I can, so please don't worry too much. I can't wait to come home and for all of you that keep asking I'll be home in MARCH 2014

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